Hi Samantha,
Please help me. My wife doesn’t want sex , she doesn’t ask about it and doesn’t need it. I am so stressed in my job and I have not had sex for more than 1 year. Is there any advice you can give?
If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard these words from the mouth of a man, I would have my own fleet of jets, a house big enough to rescue all dogs on death row, and a facelift….More often than not, women lose interest in sex (I know some men do, but we’re talking about women here). I had a client whose wife hadn’t slipped off her nightie for eight years. Eight long years. That’s almost THREE THOUSAND nights of biting the pillow in frustration. Her reason? Apparently she just didn’t feel like it anymore. (After 35 years of marriage, she probably hated the sight of her husband, but that’s by the by)..
I know my client isn’t alone in his frustration. There are thousands if not hundreds of thousands of marriages facing the same issue. I know men who say their business suffers if they aren’t having regular sex, or that if they don’t get that physical release, they can’t think straight. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, men need sex like women need a good foundation.
Our sex drives change as we age. Our relationship changes. What started off as bonking every time you were left alone together morphs into a comfortable best buddies scenario, where he thinks it’s hilarious to stuff your head in his ‘Dutch oven,’ instead of massaging your back with posh body oil.
Back to our frustrated husband: you need to talk to your wife about why she’s gone off sex, and what you can do to turn her back on. Is there unresolved resentment towards you? Has she recently had kids or going through menopause? If this is the case, show patience, love and support. Do nice things for her. Do NOT keep on banging on about sex. Once sex becomes a huge issue, it makes it uncomfortable for everyone. Plan a night out, dinner and a hotel. Sometimes a change of scene works wonders.
If there is no change, and the future looks bleak, then you need to ask yourself some serious questions. Can you lead a life with no sex even though you love your wife? I am of the opinion it is unfair for one person to expect their partner to live a sex-free life miserably, yet divorce them if they seek intimacy elsewhere. If all else fails, and your wife has shut up shop for good, then talk to her about alternatives. And you know what I mean by that.
Sam xx
