Another bloody sex column, right?
You’re here to read the important stuff — politics, business, the way the world works. What has sex got to do with news?
I’m going to let you in on a little secret. The whole world is about sex.
Politics is about sex. Business is about sex. Advertising is about sex. Hollywood is about sex. Sex infiltrates into decisions we make, people we see, mistakes we make and things we buy. Name the thing largely responsible for the downfall of powerful men? Yup, sex.
I’ve had men tell me their business suffers if they don’t have regular sex. I know men who cannot concentrate or be at their most productive without sex. I’ve always said men need sex like women need a good foundation.
Yet remarkably, sex isn’t about sex. The physical act of sex is fairly predictable and easy. When you are finally in-between the sheets, sex is uncomplicated and usually over in seconds (minutes if you’re lucky).
It’s the power struggle, the intimacy and the connection we find so hard to find, navigate and cherish. Getting together with someone you like is an ever-changing, complicated and confusing mating dance. And that’s what we’re here to talk about.
For those of you unfamiliar with my name or my story, I certainly have earnt my seat in the arena of sex, life, men and women. At the age of 37, I decided to walk out of my job as a journalist to slip into my high heels and become a high-class escort. I created a character — Samantha X — who was strong, confident, empowered and sexy.
I soon got hooked on the money, the lifestyle and the flexibility. I was earning in a week as Samantha what I was making in a month as a journalist.
It was a fast, sexy, champagne-fuelled ride. I became no stranger to flying first class and five-star hotels, and I’ve comforted men as they cry.
But what I loved most was the healing aspect of my job. I became addicted to men, their stories and their vulnerabilities. How they think, what they think and what they need. How they don’t understand women, and we don’t understand them. In an era where we are so connected with technology, we are so disconnected from each other.
I wrote two best-selling memoirs, Hooked and Back on Top , and I was thrust into the limelight overnight.
And let me tell you, when you’re thrust into the spotlight for being controversial, you need to own it. Proudly.
Because if you show even the incy-wincy bit of doubt or shame, you’ll be seen as vulnerable and weak — easy prey for the haters and trolls. If you own who you are, you defuse it — and then where can people go with it? Nowhere. You hold the power.
But my role in the sex industry was never about sex. Any escort will tell you that.
What I learnt, and am still learning, eight years later, is that what we think men want and need are very different to what they really deep down want and need. I am learning about women too and their wants and needs.
I created my escort agency, Samantha X Angels, for men looking for mostly mature women as companions. My male clients tell me what they are looking for (a perfect body and big boobs isn’t in the top five I can assure you).
I also had a male escort agency a few years ago (long story…), and I learnt what female clients wanted from my male escorts. (Think sex, sex, sex.)
It’s no secret that men think seeing counsellors is a sign of weakness or they worry about being judged. Or that confiding in their friends is seen as lame. And they don’t want to talk to their partners as they feel they need to be the strong ones. But I’ll tell you who they are confiding in — and that’s me.
At this stage of my life, my escorting days are winding down gently. I’ve had enough champagne and seen enough hotel rooms to last me a lifetime. But the healing aspect of this job I will never tire of, hence my journey into the world of coaching. There isn’t much I haven’t seen, heard or done. Not much can shock me, and I certainly don’t judge.
I receive hundreds of emails from men and women around the world telling me their secrets or asking me for my advice. And while I don’t have an answer for everything, I can certainly share with you what I have learnt and are still learning; from men and women, couples, husbands, wives and single folk.
Identities will always be changed and my clients have been and always will be protected. (In fact, the only thing my clients complained about when my books were published was NOT being written about, or “why did he get a whole chapter and I got just a few lines…..”)
So here it is, another bloody sex column.
I hope you laugh, learn and love on this journey as much as I have.