When Kerri-Anne Hamilton went public about her decade long affair with the late Dean Jones, she was predictably met with the fury of the public, no doubt incensed wives who were triggered. Of course their husband would never have an affair, they have a good marriage, besides their husbands are so busy they don’t have the time! It’s all the women’s fault! These harlots trying to steal their innocent husbands, these predatory women!
Let me assure you firstly that men make the time. It doesn’t matter how busy or overworked they are, how powerful they are, or if they fix leaky taps for work, if a man wants to stray, he will make the time. He will make it a priority. That’s an absolute fact. I have Chairman clients on very powerful boards that make the time for me. Not one single man is too busy for a woman.
Secondly, it doesn’t matter how good the marriage is, how happy you are, (or think you are), what a great father he is, what a great provider and you still have sex every Tuesday and a regular date night, men still stray. I’m not saying all men of course, but I am saying enough to keep the adult industry recession proof.
In my profession as a high-class escort, I see a whole range of men. Single young men, widowed men, divorced men, men in wheelchairs, men who are terminally sick, criminals, cops, politicians – every type of man. (And I love them all).
I’ve deduced the married ones fall into three categories: those who have zero intimacy with their wives (some tragically for decades) and say they feel like a walking credit card. They won’t leave because they don’t want to lose more than half their money and don’t want to hurt the kids. Then they are those who say they love their wives, but admit they just need variety. And then we have the most complex lot: the very happily married man, as Hamilton says Jones was.
It’s not my job to judge. If there’s anything I’ve learnt in my role as Samantha is that it is not a perfect world, we are not perfect people and everyone is just doing the best they can.
At first I found it hard to comprehend why happily married men seek intimacy elsewhere, whether it be with sex workers, (which they assure me isn’t cheating…) or have long-term affairs. The men who see sex workers are usually not the type to have affairs. They don’t want the headache, they don’t need the emotional connection (as they get that at home) and they say they would probably get caught; some have. They absolutely don’t want to hurt their wives and possibly destroy the marriage. (Mind you, women aren’t stupid. I do wonder if most wives deep down know about her husband’s double life and choose to turn a blind eye, rather than leave and have to start their lives again).
Marriage is a complex beast. Personally, I think it’s outdated and unrealistic. I know I wouldn’t be able to stay with one man for 40 years and I have never wanted to, nor ever been married. I couldn’t cope with a double life and lies – I’d rather own who I am and I do, as hard as it is at times.
Besides, I see, hear and meet enough married men as Samantha, to put me off saying ‘I do’ for life. And let me assure you, it’s not just men who stray. Plenty of women do it too, and I’ve had plenty of clients devastated about their wives’ affairs.
I firmly believe you can’t get everything from one person. Many married men tell me their wives are great mothers, great home makers, yet the intimacy has died. They don’t want to leave, but sex and connection is a need for them, as it is for most people.
As for me? Here’s a confession: I am in love with a married man. He will never leave his wife and I wouldn’t want him too. But I’ve been down this road before and it will be me who will get hurt, so we had to end it. I still love him and sometimes I hate his wife. She has it easy! She gets him all to herself, she has the holidays, she has him every night in bed, and she gets the day to day help. She has someone to put as her next of kin on medical forms. But would I trade places with her? Absolutely not. I’ve always said I would rather wear lace gloves than the oven gloves. I am now learning to date myself – one of the only people I trust.