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Q&A

Lost and lonely woman with a secret problem

December 30, 2018 1 Comment
Dear Samantha X ,

I’m a lost and lonely woman with a secret problem. I feel I can’t talk to anyone about it, so I thought I would write to you in the attempt to see if there are any support groups out there that I can link up with.

My ‘problem’ is not mine, you see, but somehow has become ALL mine -and I feel is impossible to discuss with anyone. Our issue can be summed up in one three-letter word “SEX”. You see, my husband, hasn’t had a full or proper erection for 3 years. I fear he is impotent and when he does eventually get ‘there’ it lasts very briefly…

Our story is quite suburban and normal, we have both just turned 50, have been married 15 years, with 2 grown teenagers, and the usual life’s ups and downs, mortgage stress, bills, financial struggles, however, like many, we budget and manage – that is not the real issue.

The problem is, is that my libido really hasn’t changed at all. Even during both pregnancies, if anything my desire has increased, as kids are pretty much off our hands now. I have always had a healthy sexual appetite, and enjoyed wonderful healthy sex with previous partners, but my husband’s interest in sex has decreased and diminished over the years. Secretly I find myself looking at other men – I think I am a relatively attractive woman for my age, and want to be attractive for him.

I really don’t know what to do… and can’t see spending the next 20 not having good sex again….

Please don’t think that I haven’t tried all options- such as – talking, talking, turning him on, weekend’s away, date nights, Viagra, etc.… I have suggested counselling, have hired porn DVDs, lingerie, and nothing has worked.

The issue is that he will barely discuss it with me and naturally becomes very defensive. I am desperately sad with all of this, and to be honest, am angry too, as there is now so much pressure on the sex that we are NOT having!

Samantha X – are there any followers out there in my situation? I would appreciate any form of feedback and advice if possible.

Thank you

 

Dear Mrs Sexually Frustrated,

You say you’ve tried everything to awaken your husband’s desire for sex and nothing has worked? Look, I am going to be the bearer of controversial news: have a one night stand, book a male escort are the only options I can think of.

It’s very common for two human beings to have different sex drives. It’s not very common both parties are in complete harmony. If you don’t think his sex drive will ever come back and you don’t want to leave him, then I think you are well within your rights to look elsewhere. You could try being honest and talking to him about it, seeking some sort of ‘permission,’ but he may say no?

Or: you could do what millions of men do around the world every minute of the day and that is book a professional without their partner knowing! There are plenty of gorgeous male escorts out there so take your pick!

Do it and enjoy it and keep it safe.

Sam x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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1 Comment

Kevin Benson December 31, 2018 at 7:25 pm

Dear Lost and Lonely woman.
Well you are not alone,both for men and women. Its the unspoken issue in many,many relationships.What has not been spoken/written is “do you want to stay in the relationship?” Your answer to this important difficult question would,I think,determine your next step.
If you have never engaged an male escort before that can be scary.Samantha suggest this,a male escort, and I agree you tell your partner which will be one hell of a shock to him,so be prepared as best can.
Will an male escort work for your relationship,dont know. If you can leave the sex and go maybe or you get “hooked” a possibility, since you write about your sexual desires concern you deeply. Would your partner accept your outside sexual activity long term??? Perhaps a yearning for the”old days” of different sexual partners is being revived?? Kids off your hands etc etc
Your partners lack of sexual response is not uncommon in men of a certain age.Prostate issues,nighttime urination,etc Not a lot is said about this.Practically anything that is helpful really. So men are at a loss at what to do or who to see and feel “failures” Physical health is important.What we eat,drink and how we eat,drink has one hell of an effect on us. Throw in weight,general fitness etc. Your partner has a “short life erection” again not uncommon.
Probably he takes some time to get to erection stage and probably finds that exhausting,physically and emotionally. This will discourage him even further. How to get him to speak about this,to acknowledge his sexual condition,is difficult,hopefully he can be persuaded. Samantha is right in that sexuality starts in the mind/emotions, if tired or in emotional tension severely hinders sexual activity.
Some of the public hospitals have sexual health clinics/specialists. Places like the Jean Haile foundation may help in this area too.Is there a doctor you could speak too? I am thinking of referrals to specialists or counselors.
A sexual counselor who has long experience in this area, would I feel be helpful to you,even IF ITS JUST YOU.
Hopefully your partner will come with you. Might take some time for him to get his head around that. One important thing,IF YOU FEEL IN YOUR GUT, the counselor you are seeing or even the male escort is NOT on your radar thank them,pay them,and just go. To do this is not easy.
You must above all feel comfortable and confident with counselor or escort,its important for you. Escorts/prostitutes, what ever, you must be comfortable with them. So seek another counselor or escort. Tell them what you are seeking from them up front.
I sincerely trust that you get the support you need and that 2019 will be a much happier year for you.

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