Dear Samantha X ,
I’m a lost and lonely woman with a secret problem. I feel I can’t talk to anyone about it, so I thought I would write to you in the attempt to see if there are any support groups out there that I can link up with.
My ‘problem’ is not mine, you see, but somehow has become ALL mine -and I feel is impossible to discuss with anyone. Our issue can be summed up in one three-letter word “SEX”. You see, my husband, hasn’t had a full or proper erection for 3 years. I fear he is impotent and when he does eventually get ‘there’ it lasts very briefly…
Our story is quite suburban and normal, we have both just turned 50, have been married 15 years, with 2 grown teenagers, and the usual life’s ups and downs, mortgage stress, bills, financial struggles, however, like many, we budget and manage – that is not the real issue.
The problem is, is that my libido really hasn’t changed at all. Even during both pregnancies, if anything my desire has increased, as kids are pretty much off our hands now. I have always had a healthy sexual appetite, and enjoyed wonderful healthy sex with previous partners, but my husband’s interest in sex has decreased and diminished over the years. Secretly I find myself looking at other men – I think I am a relatively attractive woman for my age, and want to be attractive for him.
I really don’t know what to do… and can’t see spending the next 20 not having good sex again….
Please don’t think that I haven’t tried all options- such as – talking, talking, turning him on, weekend’s away, date nights, Viagra, etc.… I have suggested counselling, have hired porn DVDs, lingerie, and nothing has worked.
The issue is that he will barely discuss it with me and naturally becomes very defensive. I am desperately sad with all of this, and to be honest, am angry too, as there is now so much pressure on the sex that we are NOT having!
Samantha X – are there any followers out there in my situation? I would appreciate any form of feedback and advice if possible.
Dear Mrs Sexually Frustrated,
You say you’ve tried everything to awaken your husband’s desire for sex and nothing has worked? Look, I am going to be the bearer of controversial news: have a one night stand, book a male escort are the only options I can think of.
It’s very common for two human beings to have different sex drives. It’s not very common both parties are in complete harmony. If you don’t think his sex drive will ever come back and you don’t want to leave him, then I think you are well within your rights to look elsewhere. You could try being honest and talking to him about it, seeking some sort of ‘permission,’ but he may say no?
Or: you could do what millions of men do around the world every minute of the day and that is book a professional without their partner knowing! There are plenty of gorgeous male escorts out there so take your pick!
Do it and enjoy it and keep it safe.