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Do I need to tell my partner about my past?

August 10, 2018 0 comments
Dear Samantha,

I shot some nude female erotica over the years before meeting my current boyfriend. It was with other girls only and I stopped shooting a year before meeting him. We have been together for a year and it has been bothering me of late as to whether I need to tell him about this. The experience was positive, fun and empowering to me, albeit an immature decision because internet footage stays forever. I had been single over the years and it didn’t bother me. I’m concerned if one day one of his friends or relatives finds me online they would tell him, despite the material I did is not as “mainstream” so not as easy to come across.

A part of me want to keep this to myself because it’s in my past and is not relevant anymore. Another part wonders if this would make me a dishonest person. Although if he asks me I am prepared to tell the truth.

How serious do you think this is, is this a break-up worthy issue should he find out? Despite I didn’t cheat or lie?

Really appreciate any thoughts.


Dear Worried,

When I first read your question, my immediate thought was ‘nah don’t tell him, he doesn’t need to know,’ and a big part of me still thinks that – after all – what’s past is past and quite frankly it is non of his business. However, if you did tell him and he went off you, couldn’t handle it, etc etc – I wonder if he really is the right fit for you? Do you really want to be with someone so closed minded and judgmental? Also, if there is a chance he could find out, he probably will be more upset that you didn’t tell him. My advice is be honest. If you lose him, what exactly have you lost? A closed minded, fearful, insecure judgemental man.

Sam xx













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