A common question that I get asked often is, “How do I know if my partner is cheating?”
First of all I want to say, not all men cheat. Secondly, I want to say that a lot do. (A lot of women cheat as well, but we are talking about men here). As an escort, and having spent hours listening to the woes of all types of men, including married men, men about to get married, men on their honeymoons (yup), men on dates (yup), men in happy marriages, men in unhappy marriages, and of course single men who are desperate to meet someone, I can safely say I have heard it all from men. I hear the fumbled, hushed, excuses they make to their wives, I watch as they turn their phone on silent, and I know what reasons they give to their partners for slipping out of the office or away from home for a few hours, days and even weeks.
It’s not my job to judge, I don’t know what’s going on in their relationship. Actually, that is a lie. I do, because they tell me. But that’s a different column.
I would love to tell you that it’s only unhappy men that cheat, but it’s not. Very happy coupled-up guys sometimes look elsewhere. Some like variety, some are opportunists, and some just can’t help it.
I’ll never forget the time a man booked me for a very quick hour in Sydney CBD. He rushed in looking flustered. “Can’t be too long,” he blurted. “I’ve taken this girl away for the weekend and I told her I’m picking up some food.” Not only did I have to remind him to go back to their hotel with food, but the journalist in me wanted to know why the hell he was spending $1200 on me, when he had whisked a woman he clearly likes off for a romantic city break.
“She wants to wait a few months before we are intimate,” he said. “Fair enough but I have needs.”
Another man booked me while his girlfriend had just nipped out to the shops. Needless to say I made a not-so polite excuse and left. I am not in the business of upsetting women. Imagine if she came home early? His response? “I kind of want to get caught.”
Another booked me for a dinner date the week before he was due to get married. “You may be the last woman I ever get to be with ever again,” he said with a pained expression. Another man bought his golf clubs into our appointment…
I asked a married man who cheats what are the common signs of cheating. He said “Distracted. On the phone a lot. Loses interest in sex. Home from work late.” That’s from the horse’s mouth girls.
Here are some warning signs of a cheating man.
** DISCLAIMER- just because your man does any of the below, does not mean he is definitely cheating! **
- He is being extra nice, extra passionate and changed his behaviour. Men tell me they sometimes overcompensate when they’ve played up, flowers, trips away, a gift. It doesn’t mean of course that every man who is nice is cheating, but if you already suspect, that is a sign to look out for.
- He comes home with wet hair and it’s not raining. Ok, he could have had a shower at the gym – or somewhere else – to remove any giveaway smells. If he jumps into the shower as soon as he gets home, without coming and kissing you hello, what is he washing off?
- He chooses to stay up late watching TV while you go to bed – late night texts and hushed phone calls?
- An obvious one but he suddenly takes his phone everywhere, even the shower, and has it face down constantly. My cheating ex would do this and in the end, I discovered the other women…
- Your sex life changes. Whether it’s either disappeared, he’s lost interest, or he’s suddenly become Mr Passionate with a few new moves, I’d probably be a little suspicious.
- He becomes a bit of an arsehole at home. He picks fights, he tells white lies, he accuses you of cheating and he calls you by another woman’s name. A Freudian slip – his unconscious mind is letting loose.
- He suddenly becomes righteous about men who cheat. I’ll never forget the client who told me his wife and her friends were watching me on TV talking about escorting. He said he joined in and said ‘How terrible! I couldn’t imagine doing that..” and at the same time, making a mental note to book an appointment with me.
- If you FEEL it. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is more reliable than your instinct. If you think he’s cheating, he probably is. That little voice inside you can save your life, tell you if you’re in a dangerous situation and helps you read people for what they are. Your gut doesn’t lie to you.